Family and friends are the most important resource that exists for domestic violence victims. Safe & Together offers specific concrete steps that family and friends can take to support a loved one who is being abused.
This page is our resource exclusively for people who are worried about a loved one experiencing abuse. Family and friends are often the first people to notice something is wrong, and the first people victims turn to for help. Unfortunately, despite loving and caring intentions, these conversations sometimes go awry. Below are FREE resources specifically for family and friends – to assist in being an ally to victims and survivors, as well as perpetrators of domestic abuse.
These are resources to assist family and friends in being an ally to victims and survivors of domestic abuse. Family and friends are often the first people to notice something is wrong, and the first people victims turn to for help. Unfortunately, despite loving and caring intentions, these conversations sometimes go awry.
- Family and Friends Ally Guide (Printable black & white version here)
- Coming Soon! Webinar: Keeping Children Safe by Partnering with Adult Survivors
- Social media posts: Below are several image posts you can download and use on your own platform. Remember to tag us @SafeandTogether on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and Twitter. We also suggest using the hashtag #DomesticViolence #DomesticAbuse #DVAwareness Finally, we suggest copy and pasting the link to the free resources so your followers can have access as well.
Choose to Change Campaign
The ‘Choose to Change’ Network Toolkit describes a four-step process to help men develop strong, safe support networks to help them interrupt their violence and increase safety for other family members. The toolkit includes:
- Choose to Change Toolkit (Inside: Professionals Booklet, Information for Partners, Information for Network Contacts)
- Choose to Change, resource card
- Related blogs: Shared pandemic-related fears offer us new opportunities to engage men in response to escalating domestic violence
- Social media posts: Below are several image posts you can download and use on your own platform. Remember to tag us @SafeandTogether on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn and Twitter. We also suggest using the hashtag #DomesticViolence #DomesticAbuse #DVAwareness #choosetochange. Finally, we suggest copy and pasting the link to the free resources so your followers can have access as well.
Resources for children
Book: My Not So Perfect Family, by Rhonda Dagg, 2019 Book Excellence Award Finalist
Jack, Marley and Sophie are three children who have an important story to tell. You see, each of them has a family that is not so perfect; a club of families who have experienced domestic violence. By sharing their personal experiences they want other children to know that there are other families like theirs. They are not alone, it’s not their fault and it helps to tell a trusted adult. The pictures and words bring these stories to life and help children impacted by domestic violence find their own words to talk about the scary things that have happened to them. The book includes a guide for the big people who are sometimes uncertain about how to help children when they are scared, sad or feel alone. By providing these simple key things we help children heal. You have the ability to change a life and help children join a new club, by sharing this story with a child today. Share a book, change a life at https://rhondadagg.com/
Book: Funny Feelings Aren’t Funny by Kim May
Communication is a huge barrier to offering support and assistance to victims of child abuse and trauma. ‘Funny Feelings Aren’t Funny’ is a book to help children to communicate their feelings. The book follows a series of gender-neutral and non-race-specific characters in a variety of situations which could be perceived as being unsafe. The characters experience an array of physiological reactions, such as ‘butterflies’ in the stomach or a ‘pounding heart’, which could indicate that something about the situation is ‘not quite right’. www.funnyfeelingsarentfunny.com
Book: It’s all OK By Me by Kim May
An educational book for children aged 3-8 years to help them understand and accept diversity and how wonderful it is. We want children to grow up in a world free from bias and discrimination, to reach for their dreams and feel that whatever they want to accomplish in life is possible. We want our children to feel loved and included and never experience the pain of rejection or exclusion. To achieve this we need to raise our children to celebrate, respect and value ALL people regardless of the colour of our skin, our gender, our physical abilities, our religious beliefs or the languages we speak. www.funnyfeelingsarentfunny.com
Book: Have I given you my CONSENT? by Kim May
An educational book aimed at children aged 3-8 years to encourage them to speak up in situations where they may be feeling uncomfortable. We need to encourage children to take control of their body and personal space from an early age. Children may not always understand their rights and so it is important to teach them about consent. As adults, we must not assume that all situations are comfortable for children. This book can act as a tool for teachers, parents and health professionals in assisting children to understand the concept of consent. It also provides examples of situations that may be uncomfortable for some children and teaches them that in those situations, they can choose whether to give or not give consent. This book is simple yet profound in its verse and illustrations which enables the child and reader to talk about some of the ‘uncomfortable’ situations the child may find themselves in. Some of those situations could include people tickling them, hugging them, entering their personal space, cyber safety and many other scenarios. It is important for parents, teachers and professionals to teach children how they may respond in those ‘uncomfortable’ situations so as they grow they have a better understanding of their rights around giving or not giving consent. www.funnyfeelingsarentfunny.com
To support allies of survivors, here are some national-level support contacts. Most of the phone numbers are a mixture of 24-hour-a-day hotlines and business-hour helpline services. Many provide online chat services as well. The services provided by these agencies are generally free. All phone numbers are local to that country. Many of these agencies also offer support and referrals for male survivors of domestic violence.
(Australia) National sexual assault, domestic and family violence counselling service:
https://1800Respect.org.au Ph: 1800 737 732
(Australia) Lifeline: https://www.lifeline.org.au/ Ph: 13 11 14
(Australia) Men’s Line: https://mensline.org.au/ Ph: 1300 78 99 78
(Australia) Kids Helpline: https://kidshelpline.com.au/ Ph: 1800 55 1800
(Australia) No to Violence: Men’s Referral Service https://ntv.org.au/ Ph: 1300 766 491
(Canada) Shelter Safe: https://www.sheltersafe.ca/
(provides a list of domestic abuse shelters in each province and territory with phone numbers)
(Hong Kong) Hong Kong Federation of Women’s Centres: https://womencentre.org.hk/ Ph: 2386 6255
(New Zealand) Women’s Refuge: https://womensrefuge.org.nz/ Ph: 0800 REFUGE or 0800 733 843
(New Zealand) It’s Not Ok Campaign: http://www.areyouok.org.nz/ Ph: 0800 456 450
(New Zealand) Lifeline: https://www.lifeline.org.nz/ Ph: 0800 543 354
(Northern Ireland) Northern Ireland Women’s Aid: https://www.womensaidni.org/ Ph: 0808 802 1414
(Scotland) Scottish Women’s Aid: https://womensaid.scot/ Ph: 0800 027 1234
(Singapore) Association of Women for Action and Research: https://www.aware.org.sg/ Ph: 1800 777 5555
(UK) National Domestic Abuse Helpline: https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ Ph: 0808 2000 247
(UK) National LGBT+ Domestic Abuse Helpline: http://www.galop.org.uk/domesticabuse/
Ph: 0800 999 5428
(UK) Respect Men’s Advice Line: https://mensadviceline.org.uk/ Ph: 0808 8010327
(US) National Domestic Violence Hotline: https://thehotline.org Ph: 1-800-799-7233/1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
(US) StrongHearts Native Helpline: https://www.strongheartshelpline.org/ Ph: 1−844-762-8483
(US) The National Deaf Domestic Violence Hotline: https://thedeafhotline.org/
(Wales) Welsh Women’s Aid: https://www.welshwomensaid.org.uk/ Ph: 0808 80 10 800
Technology can help provide safe communication with your loved ones, or it can be a way for the person using violence to monitor and stalk your loved one’s communication and movements. This website, www.techsafety.org, sponsored by the US-based National Network to End Domestic Violence, is a resource about technology and abuse for allies and their loved ones, and how to safely use technology to communicate.