In this Episode of “Partnered with a Survivor,” Ruth & David speak about the common and normal trauma responses of victims and survivors and how those responses can be used against them by perpetrators and systems charged with safety. Ruth discusses more in depth particular responses to abuse which she experienced and witnessed growing up with over 55 other people in an abusive cult. They talk about how perpetrators use trauma responses to create a culture of fear around disclosure, how professionals turn normal and natural self protective strategies into pathology and how that is used against victims in courts and social services. She also discusses her ‘A-ha’ moment when she began to study about the Kubark Interrogation Methods used by the military in SERE training for the United States’ Special Forces. Ruth discusses how domestic abuse and child abuse create a similar internal response as seen in torture victims to the perpetrator or to anyone who uses threats or force to coerce victims into safety. David gives his practice tips for how to view trauma and torture responses not as a deficit, but as a sign of protection and even strength. He speaks about where systems and workers got this right and where they did not. Specific language, strategies and tools are given in this podcast for greater and more effective partnering which honors and acknowledges trauma responses as being a normal physiological response to extended alarm and harm.
To that end, in our new podcast, “Partnered with a Survivor,” S&T’s Executive Director and Founder, David Mandel and Ruth Stearns Mandel offer a raw and intimate glimpse into their personal and professional partnership and what it means to truly partner with a survivor, raise a family based on S&T principles and engage in social change at every level. This is a podcast for practitioners and parents, partners and employers, coworkers and friends – and anyone else who may want clarity, understanding, hope and healing.
What does it mean to give consistent consent? What is coercive control? How do you probably see it or feel it every day? This is a podcast you’ll wish you had heard when you were a teenager. In unsure, confusing times, it’s our goal to widen the audience for the Safe & Together Model-associated material to survivors, their family members, and even perpetrators. For professionals familiar with the Model, it will offer another angle on the issues addressed by the Model. For those who don’t know Safe & Together, it offers a connection to the themes and ideas behind the work.
These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s on-going conversations which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence, and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions which keep all us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing.
*Trigger Warning: Some of the topics discussed in the next 30 min are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We also use mature language to describe some feelings. Finally, we use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims for two reasons: 1.) statistically, more men are perpetrators than are women when it comes to domestic violence, abuse and coercive control; and 2. For clarity sake, sticking with one pronoun causes less confusion for the listener. We know there are many men who are in abusive relationships and we are not invalidating their situations.
About the podcasters: David and Ruth are committed to creating systems and cultures of nurturance and safety. David Mandel founded the Safe & Together Institute which trains systems in domestic violence aware practices from a child safety lens. Ruth Stearns Mandel is a survivor of complex abuse, child abuse and domestic abuse growing up in a cult. She is a former teacher and trainer using her experience to clarify messages and complexities around abuse and survivors.