Celebrating the Wins: Why Reflecting on Success Matters in Domestic Abuse Work
By Nic Douglas, European Regional Manager, Safe & Together Institute
During a recent training delivery with specialist domestic abuse services, a conversation emerged that’s stayed with me. We were discussing case examples when a practitioner said something that resonated across the room: “We’re so used to focusing on what went wrong or what we could have done better. We rarely stop to talk about the things that actually went well.”
Another practitioner added: “I can tell you every detail of the cases that haunt me. But the survivor I helped last month who’s doing really well? I haven’t reflected on that much at all since I closed the case.”
This conversation prompted me to reflect on something crucial that we often miss in domestic abuse work: the need to actively celebrate our successes, acknowledge the positive impact we’re having, and share these wins with the survivors and families we work alongside.
The Weight of What Doesn’t Work
In domestic abuse work, we’re trained to examine failure: child safeguarding practice reviews, Domestic Abuse Related Death Reviews, audits identifying gaps in practice, multi-agency learning events dissecting what went wrong. This scrutiny is necessary and important—we must learn from tragic outcomes and system failures.
But something happens when failure becomes our primary focus. We start to carry the weight of every case that didn’t go well while barely acknowledging the cases where we made a genuine difference. We remember the survivor who returned to the perpetrator but overlook the one who built a new life. We recall the missed opportunities but brush over the interventions that created safety.
This imbalance doesn’t just affect our well-being—it shapes how we see our work and ourselves. If we only ever reflect on failure, we risk losing sight of why we came into this field and what we’re achieving.
The Small Wins Matter
Success in domestic abuse work rarely looks dazzling. It’s not always the survivor who leaves permanently and never looks back. More often, success looks like:
The survivor who called you back when they needed help because they trusted you wouldn’t judge them
The safety plan you created together that worked, even if it isn’t sustained
The moment a survivor realised the abuse wasn’t their fault
The children who had one conversation with a trusted adult about what was happening at home
The perpetrator who, for the first time, faced a consequence for their behaviour
The multi-agency meeting where everyone understood the perpetrator’s pattern
The court report that clearly articulated coercive control
The survivor who accessed one service, even though they couldn’t engage with everything offered
The family member who learned how to support without judgement
The housing application that was prioritised because someone understood the risk
These moments matter. They represent real impact, genuine safety, and meaningful change. But how often do we pause to name them, celebrate them, and learn from them?
Reflecting Success Within Teams
Team reflection shouldn’t only happen when something goes wrong. Imagine if we built in regular practices of celebrating success:
In supervision: Including reflection like “Tell me about a case that’s going well. What do you think is making the difference? What did you do that helped?”
In team meeting: Creating space to share wins—not just the dramatic turnarounds, but the small moments that felt significant. The phone call that went well. The survivor who opened up. The partnership that’s working.
In case discussions: Asking “What’s working in this case?” alongside “What are we worried about?” Identifying the strengths we can build on, the progress that’s happening, the interventions that are having impact.
In multi-agency meetings: Starting with “What’s gone well this week?” before diving into the challenges. Acknowledging when different agencies work together effectively.
This isn’t about toxic positivity or ignoring real concerns. It’s about balance. It’s about building team cultures where practitioners can see their own effectiveness, learn from what’s working, and sustain the resilience this work demands.
Sharing Success with Survivors
Perhaps most importantly, we need to reflect success back to survivors themselves.
So often, survivors are told what they’re doing wrong, what they need to change, what risks they’re creating. They hear about the failures—the appointments missed, the services not engaged with, the times they returned to the perpetrator. Their files document problems and concerns.
But what if we also told survivors what they’re doing right?
“You called me when you were in crisis—that took courage and it’s supporting your safety.”
“You got your children to school this week despite everything you’re dealing with. That’s remarkable.”
“The way you’re protecting your children by [specific action] shows such strength.”
“You’ve engaged with three different services now—that’s not easy when you’re dealing with so much.”
“You kept true to belonging and ensured the children remained connected to their community despite being isolated by your partner.”
“You left that relationship. Even though you went back, you left. That matters.”
Survivors often can’t see their own progress because they’re so close to it, because the perpetrator has systematically undermined their sense of capability, or because professionals have focused on their deficits. When we reflect back to survivors what they’re achieving—even the small things—we’re offering them something powerful: evidence of their own strength, resilience, and agency.
Why This Matters for Survivors
When we share wins with survivors, several important things happen:
It counters the perpetrator’s narrative: If the perpetrator has spent years telling them they’re useless, incompetent, or failing as a parent, our recognition of what they’re achieving offers a different story.
It builds hope: In the darkness of domestic abuse, survivors can lose sight of the possibility of change. Naming progress, however small, reminds them that change is happening.
It recognises their expertise: Survivors are experts in their own lives. When we celebrate what they’re doing well, we acknowledge their knowledge and capability.
It strengthens the helping relationship: When survivors know we see their strengths as well as their challenges, they’re more likely to trust us and engage authentically.
It models a different way of seeing themselves: If we consistently notice and name what’s working, survivors may start to notice it, too.
Creating Cultures That Celebrate Success
Building this into our practice requires intentionality:
Make it routine: Don’t wait for the dramatic successes. Build in regular opportunities to identify and celebrate small wins.
Be specific: “You’re doing well” is nice, but “The way you managed that difficult conversation with your ex-partner showed real skill in staying safe while still advocating for what your children need” is powerful.
Share across agencies: When something works well in multi-agency collaboration, name it and celebrate it. This reinforces effective partnership.
Document the positives: Case notes shouldn’t only record concerns and risks. Document what’s working, what strengths you’re seeing, and what progress is happening.
Create space for practitioner wins: Have team meetings where practitioners can share something that went well or informal check-ins where managers ask, “What made you smile this week?”
Tell survivors directly: Don’t just think privately that a survivor is doing well. Tell them. Be specific about what you’re noticing and why it matters.
The Courage to Celebrate
There’s something almost countercultural about celebrating success in domestic abuse work. We worry about:
Seeming complacent when there’s still so much that needs improving
Missing risks if we focus on positives
Looking like we’re not taking seriously the severity of what families face
Being judged for celebrating when outcomes remain uncertain
But celebrating success isn’t the same as ignoring challenges. We can hold both truths simultaneously: This work is difficult and systems are imperfect AND we’re making a real difference in many families’ lives.
In fact, acknowledging success might actually improve our practice. When we understand what’s working, we can do more of it. When practitioners feel effective, they’re more creative, more resilient, and more able to manage the difficult cases. When survivors see their own progress, they’re more likely to keep engaging.
An Invitation
To all of us working in the domestic abuse field—whether in specialist services, children’s services, police, health, housing, or any other sector:
This week, identify three wins. They don’t need to be big. Perhaps:
A conversation that went better than expected
A survivor who you helped, even in a small way
A moment of effective multi-agency working
Something you did that you’re proud of
A family where things are getting better
Share at least one of those wins with someone: Your team, your supervisor, the survivor themselves, a partner agency.
Notice how it feels to name success rather than only examining failure.
And then keep doing it. Make it part of how your team operates. Build it into supervision. Integrate it into multi-agency working. Most importantly, reflect it back to the survivors and families you work with.
The Difference This Can Make
The practitioner in that training who said they could tell me every detail of their haunting cases but had barely thought about the family doing well hasn’t forgotten that family because the work wasn’t important. They’ve forgotten because we haven’t trained ourselves to notice, name, and celebrate our successes.
But what if we did? What if we built team cultures where success was reflected as thoroughly as failure? What if survivors left our services knowing not just what they needed to work on but also what they’d already achieved?
The work would still be difficult. The systems would still be imperfect. The risks would still be real.
But we might sustain ourselves better. We might help families more effectively. And we might just remember why we chose this work in the first place.
Success in domestic abuse work is often quiet, incremental, and easy to overlook. But it’s there—in every survivor who feels genuinely supported, every child who experiences safety, every moment of effective intervention. We owe it to ourselves, our teams, and the families we serve to pause, notice, and celebrate these wins.
Additional Resources
Safe & Together Institute’s domestic abuse–informed trainings
Safe & Together Institute’s upcoming events
David Mandel’s book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence
