Episode 22: When Culture, Religion & Domestic Violence Meet
About Episode 22
Systems often fail domestic survivors who are from religious communities. In the United Kingdom and other places, Muslim survivors can face racism from outside their community and intense pressure to conform to community norms around male entitlement and family honor.
In this episode, Ruth & David Interview Shana Begum, a domestic violence education coach who is a survivor of not one but two attempted honor-based killings and two forced marriages. Shana speaks about her experiences in being groomed for coercive control and domestic violence in her South Asian community. How addressing the violence in her community was resisted because of fear of further marginalization and Adherence to religious principles manipulated to maintain power and control. Her journey from being a victim to being an empowered survivor and professional educator is central to her story. It is the notion of partnering with communities that are self-protective because of cultural or religious beliefs or marginalization requires specific skills and understanding. Shana talks about how religion and culture played a role not only in her initial abuse but in her isolation via communal pressure and collusion with her perpetrators. She speaks about how certain closed communities create a pressure cooker of abuse by becoming 'communal abusers' which makes it very difficult for victims to report abuse and seek assistance. Ruth and Shana talk about how to not attack a culture or religion when breaking down coercive control and violence in order to assist survivors in those communities. David and Shana talk about professional curiosity in partnering with survivors who wish to be connected to their community, family and culture. Shana speaks about the dangers of honor-based violence and the need for systems to educate themselves about cultural challenges in assisting survivors.
Shana is a professional educator in the UK for both systems and individuals and can be found at https://www.sthelensbestme.com/meet-the-team
More About The Podcast
You asked, we answered. Amidst our current, global political and social upheavals, during movements, activism and testimonies, during legal cases, fear and victim-blaming - we’ve heard your voice asking for clarity, insight and thoughts about how all of this is reflected in the Safe & Together Model. Many of the stories and news pieces we hear about from our partners all over the world involve complex questions, yet the beginnings of change and hope are based on the sound, simple principles of the Model.
To that end, in our new podcast, “Partnered with a Survivor,” S&T’s Executive Director and Founder, David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel offer a raw and intimate glimpse into their personal and professional partnership and what it means to truly partner with a survivor, raise a family based on S&T principles and engage in social change at every level. This is a podcast for practitioners and parents, partners and employers, coworkers and friends - and anyone else who may want clarity, understanding, hope and healing.
What does it mean to give consistent consent? What is coercive control? How do you probably see it or feel it every day? This is a podcast you’ll wish you had heard when you were a teenager. In unsure, confusing times, it’s our goal to widen the audience for the Safe & Together Model-associated material to survivors, their family members, and even perpetrators. For professionals familiar with the Model, it will offer another angle on the issues addressed by the Model. For those who don't know Safe & Together, it offers a connection to the themes and ideas behind the work.
These podcasts are a reflection of Ruth & David’s on-going conversations which are both intimate and professional and touch on complex topics like how systems fail victims and children, how victims experience those systems, and how children are impacted by those failures. Their discussions delve into how society views masculinity and violence, and how intersectionalities such as cultural beliefs, religious beliefs and unique vulnerabilities impact how we respond to abuse and violence. These far-ranging discussions offer an insider look into how we navigate the world as professionals, as parents and as partners. During these podcasts, David & Ruth challenge the notions which keep all us from moving forward collectively as systems, as cultures and as families into safety, nurturance and healing.
*Trigger Warning: Some of the topics discussed in the next 30 min are deeply personal and sensitive, which may be difficult for some people. We also use mature language to describe some feelings. Finally, we use gender pronouns like “he” when discussing perpetrators and “she” for victims for two reasons: 1.) statistically, more men are perpetrators than are women when it comes to domestic violence, abuse and coercive control; and 2. For clarity's sake, sticking with one pronoun causes less confusion for the listener. We know there are many men who are in abusive relationships and we are not invalidating their situations.
About the podcasters: David and Ruth are committed to creating systems and cultures of nurturance and safety. David Mandel founded the Safe & Together Institute which trains systems in domestic violence aware practices from a child safety lens. Ruth Reymundo Mandel is a survivor of complex abuse, child abuse and domestic abuse growing up in a cult. She is a former teacher and trainer using her experience to clarify messages and complexities around abuse and survivors.