Season 1 Episode 30: 4 Ways the Concept of Trauma Bonding Works Against Survivors
About This Episode
The term “trauma bonding” was originally coined by Patrick Carnes, who was a proponent of the concept of sex addiction. He originally developed the term to describe “the misuse of fear, excitement, sexual feelings, and sexual physiology to entangle another person.” A simpler and more encompassing definition is that trauma bonding is “a strong emotional attachment between an abused person and his or her abuser, formed as a result of the cycle of violence.”
Problematically, the term is often misapplied to survivors rather than focusing on perpetrators and their choices and tactics. In this episode, Ruth and David discuss four ways the concept of trauma bonding works against survivors:
It deemphasizes or ignores perpetrators’ behaviors that keep survivors trapped in an abusive situation.
It blames victims for the failure of friends, family, professionals, and faith leaders to hold perpetrators accountable for their actions.
It focuses professionals on the survivor, not the perpetrator.
It lets systems and professionals off the hook for how they are not responding well to survivors and perpetrators.
David and Ruth also explore the connections between the concept of trauma bonding and Stockholm Syndrome, co-dependency, and learned helplessness. They also examine the differential impact of this term on poor and Indigenous women, women of color, and trans survivors.
Toward the end of the show, David and Ruth talk about how the Safe & Together Model offers professionals alternative approaches to working with survivors, including:
Making sure that any discussion of trauma is contextualized to the perpetrator’s pattern
Actively seeking to understand behaviors of resistance and protection for survivors and others
Working to ensure that the response that a survivor gets for disclosure is a positive experience
Respecting survivors’ unique needs
Using tools like the Ally Guide to communicate to professionals, family, and friends
Training professionals to recognize the patterns of manipulation by perpetrators and their vulnerabilities to manipulation
Additional Resources
Podcast: Season 1 Episode 2: Victim-Blaming
Podcast: Season 1 Episode 3: Language and Professional Terms That Cover Up Realities of Abuse
Blog: 4 Ways the Concept of Trauma Bonding Works Against Survivors
Safe & Together Institute’s domestic abuse–informed trainings
Safe & Together Institute’s upcoming events
David Mandel’s book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence