Season 1 Episode 7: Torture Tactics: How Coercive Control Is Similar to Torture in Its Methods and Impact on Victims
About This Episode
In this episode, Ruth and David explore the common and entirely normal trauma responses experienced by victims and survivors—and how those responses are often weaponized against them by perpetrators and by systems charged with ensuring safety. Ruth shares personal reflections on the trauma responses she experienced and witnessed growing up in an abusive cult alongside more than 50 other people, offering a powerful lens on how prolonged coercion shapes behavior and survival strategies.
Together, Ruth and David examine how perpetrators exploit trauma responses to create a culture of fear around disclosure, and how professionals too often misinterpret survivors’ self-protective strategies as pathology. They discuss how these misinterpretations are then used against victims in courts, child protection, and social services, further compounding harm.
Ruth describes a pivotal “aha” moment that emerged while studying the KUBARK interrogation method used in military SERE training for U.S. Special Forces. She draws compelling parallels between the physiological and psychological responses seen in torture victims and the internal responses produced by domestic abuse and child abuse—particularly when perpetrators, or systems, use threats, force, or coercion under the guise of “safety.”
David offers concrete practice insights on how to reframe trauma and torture responses not as deficits, but as evidence of protection, adaptation, and even strength. He reflects on where systems and practitioners have gotten this right, and where they have caused further harm. Throughout the episode, Ruth and David share specific language, strategies, and tools to support more effective partnering—approaches that honor trauma responses as normal physiological reactions to prolonged danger, alarm, and harm, rather than signs of dysfunction.
Additional Resources
Safe & Together Institute’s domestic abuse–informed trainings
Safe & Together Institute’s upcoming events
David Mandel’s book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence