Season 2 Episode 15: She Is Not Your Rehab: A Global Invitation to Men to End Abuse of Women and Children Through Radical Self-Responsibility and Healing
About This Episode
For men’s violence against women to end, men need to talk to other men about change and responsibility. At the same time, many men who are abusive have often experienced their own traumas at the hands of their parents or society at large. An emerging voice in the effort to invite men to healing is Matt Brown, co-creator with his wife, Sarah Brown, of the She Is Not Your Rehab global movement.
Matt believes that because so many boys and men are traumatized and wounded in relationship with parents/caretakers, taking radical self-ownership of their own healing journey and their own behaviors is the best way to heal that trauma. This self-ownership never excuses abuse, even when it recognizes the trauma and learned behaviors of abuse, which can be an attempt to protect from pain and fear by inflicting pain and trying to control others.
In this conversation with Ruth and David, Matt, a barber, speaker, and author of the best-selling book She Is Not Your Rehab, talks about how he translated his own healing journey into a message of personal responsibility, behavior change, and healing for men so they may step more deeply into connected, healthy, nourishing relationships that do not continue the cycle of violence.
The 7 Principles of the She Is Not Your Rehab Global Movement
She is not responsible for your emotional rehabilitation.
Your healing is your responsibility and yours to take initiative for and manage.
Any healing needed for you cannot come at the expense of her healing, health, and well-being. (David & Ruth’s personal favorite!)
She can support you, but she can never do more for you than you are prepared to do for yourself.
Regardless of what anyone has done TO YOU, it is now time FOR YOU to take ownership of your own life and be committed to living it wholeheartedly enough to do any work needed. Your childhood trauma wasn’t your fault, but your healing is now your responsibility.
True change comes from genuine growth. Growth happens once we heal. Healing starts when we begin to FEEL our pain.
Hurt people inevitably hurt people because what we will not transform, we transmit on those around us, and healed people do indeed heal people. The question is WILL YOU have the courage to heal?
Additional Resources
Matt Brown | TEDxChristchurch | The barbershop where men go to heal
Podcast: Season 2 Episode 6: The Male Victim
Safe & Together Institute’s domestic abuse–informed trainings
Safe & Together Institute’s upcoming events
David Mandel’s book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence