Season 3 Episode 13: What Domestic Violence Perpetrators Steal From Survivors

About This Episode

When we think about domestic violence only in terms of what is added (violence and danger) instead of what is taken away (safety, self-determination, quality of life), we fail to name some of the most profound effects of domestic violence perpetrators’ behaviors on survivors. In this episode, David and Ruth talk about what survivors often “lose” at the hands of domestic violence perpetrators and the importance of mapping perpetrators’ patterns to accurate documentation of harm, including what has been taken away.

Ruth and David also talk about how survivors describe perpetrators stopping them from being the parent and the person they could’ve been. They offer practical tips for practitioners about exploring these losses, including how to go beyond the question “Are you afraid at home?” They also offer validations for survivors’ experiences of loss and limits. 

Additional Resources

• Safe & Together Institute’s Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool

• Podcast: Season 3 Episode 12: Weaponize & Fabricate: How Domestic Violence Perpetrators’ Behaviors Intersect with Survivors’ Mental Health and Substance Misuse Issues

• Safe & Together Institute’s domestic abuse–informed trainings

• Safe & Together Institute’s upcoming events

• David Mandel’s book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence