Why We’re Getting It Wrong with Fathers—And How to Fix It
By David Mandel, CEO and Founder, Safe & Together Institute
Several years ago, I introduced the concept of male parental development to address a critical gap in how systems work with fathers. This framework emerged from a stark reality: Most professionals receive little to no formal training in engaging men as parents, often defaulting to oversimplified stereotypes that view fathers as invisible, “good guys,” or “bad guys.”
Male parental development offers a more nuanced and dynamic approach. Rather than asking “what kind of parent is he?”, we explore what shapes his parenting and how can he develop. This shift from static assessment to growth-oriented engagement has profound implications for family services.
The male parental framework examines three key dimensions:
Developmental trajectory: From how boys first learn about fatherhood, through experiences with family planning and pregnancy, into early parenting and through ongoing transitions as children grow, each stage presents unique challenges and opportunities for growth.
Contextual factors shaping fatherhood: Cultural expectations, personal history, relationship dynamics, support systems, mental health, and economic circumstances—these factors profoundly influence how men approach parenting.
Core principles: 1) Fathers’ choices significantly impact family functioning, 2) development occurs within relationships, 3) respectful treatment of partners is essential to good fathering, 4) men can learn and change, and 5) interventions should benefit the whole family.
This framework has practical applications across sectors—from mental health to child welfare to addiction services. It provides a structure for both prevention and intervention while maintaining a focus on safety and respect, particularly in cases involving domestic violence.
By understanding male parental development, we can better engage fathers, support positive change, and ultimately create stronger families. The challenge now is implementing this understanding across our systems of care.